Ho Ho Holy Shit!

Getting my festive spirit on this weekend and taking part in the attempt to beat the Americans at a world record. I wouldn’t normally venture to Liverpool, however, if it means stopping those smug cousins across the pond from keeping the title of ‘Greatest Number Of Santas in a Run’ than I will. Because nothing is as irritating as a nation being arrogant about being fucking awesome at everything (I’m looking at you, Australia) and banging on about it. Besides, I got a free Santa suit which might come in handy for other yule-based activities.

The great shame about this event of course is that the organisers had to make some suits available in blue, because heaven forbid an Everton supporter would put soccer aside for something completely unrelated and wear the colour red even for half an hour. Still, you can always argue the ‘Coke created the red suit’ theory to mask your objectionable tastes in sport and abandonment of goodwill for your allegiance to a game that employs a distinctly high proportion of foreigners while you moan that immigrants steal ‘all the jobs’. Of course, they aren’t jobs you even want to do, and even if you did you’d only spend the cash on supporting your hypocrisy, sorry, beloved multicultural team.

Still, ho ho Ho and all that, eh?

This entry was posted in Christmas, Fitness, Oh God Why?, Shit People Do, Things That Shit Me, UK Life. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Ho Ho Holy Shit!

  1. Lucinda says:

    But if they’re in blue, they’re not Santa, just some person in a strange blue suit or a smurf, so the record risks not being broken.

    See, this is why we get labelled as arrogant: we do things right, and in better weather, and we wouldn’t risk whipping someone’s arse for a colour.

    And remember: we’d make friends easily doing it and end up having a drink with them.

    Just all round fuckin’ awesome. Not arrogant. Just honest.

    • vegemitewife says:

      Actually, I don’t know the ins and outs of the official rules on whether blue ‘santas’ count (there is a limited number of blue suits in any case) and frankly I am really only doing it to further test what I can drag The Husband to. Don’t tell him though.

      I’d like to publicly agree that we are generally awesome at everything (except the manufacture of decent cars and cheese) but I risk contradicting my own post and losing my humble charm. (But yes, we pretty much rock)

      • Lucinda says:

        Mr Sans thinks Commodores are the best car ever. I don’t care or know. Cars, meh! And cheese. There’s some good smelly stuff being made. Well, I am being boastful and arrogant, our cheese is friggin awesome too. And anyway, who cares after a glass or two of red.

        And you can be contradictory. Embrace being contradictory. We all contain multitudes. (Thanks Walt Whitman.)

  2. Bardon says:

    Did you have the cricket in mind in your veiled reference to Australian superiority?

    • vegemitewife says:

      Not specifically, but rather any sport where there is a major competition and it immediately gets rubbed in my face at work that Australia has lost because it’s like the greatest triumph ever to have beaten ‘those convicts’ at sport.

      • Lucinda says:

        Better descended from convicts than puritans. We know who has more fun and who is more more creative.

      • Bardon says:

        Well take some heart in the fact that we gave the poms a right good whooping at cricket last week. You should have seen it, the pomy players broke down and wept then hid, TNA disappeared for a week and is still sulking and hasn’t mentioned the war since. Plus Australia beat Ireland, two weeks ago Scotland last week and are playing Wales today. Australia are also playing NZ just down the road from you today and should win the League world cup. Adam Scott is cleaning up in the Australian Open series and apart from your upcoming victory in the VM Sydney marathon there is nothing more to be said.

        • Bardon says:

          Just in case it hasn’t been said to you yet:

          Australia beat Wales
          Australia beat NZ and won the world cup
          Australia lost the open, but the consolation is that it was won by Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland!
          Nigella Lawson is being called up to review the English cricket teams secret dietary plan to see if she can add some spices to improve team performance.

  3. Tim Newman says:

    For what it’s worth, the Russian equivalent of Santa Claus – Ded Moroz (Grandfather Frost) – wears a blue outfit. He’s normally accompanied by two or three rather hot snegurochki – snow maidens – in mini-skirts trimmed with fur. :)

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