I’ve been called a lot of things over the years. Most of them have been an attempt to insult me either for my looks or personality. Here’s a few in case you need inspiration:
* picasso face
* hateful wench
* snarky bitch
* wing-nut (I had ears that stuck out as a child)
But recently I was called childless. It was in fact not intended as an insult, but said in a way that was meant to bond me with the person who said it, who also hasn’t spawned. But it kind of stung a little. To me, it’s a label that I have unwittingly earned through complete inactivity. The very word has a gravity to it that burdens the recipient with an unwanted sympathy. In short, I feel like a barren Victorian spinster when I am described this way. I’m only in my mid 30s – I have no idea when people started saying this to me ; I’m pretty sure it’s recent. I don’t remember being in my 20s and hearing it about myself.
So, why (after whatever age I have become to deserve such a label) do we start calling people this? After all, there are many other things that I do not have – some of these I have greater aspirations for. Why don’t people say I am mansionless, Bentleyless or even awesome-job-less? No. I’m female, mid-30s and without a baby, so therefore I am “childless”. The Husband is just The Husband by the way.
So, a word if I may. Stop feeling sorry for me. Save your pity for someone whose burning ambition since they needed their first Tampax has been to shoot a likeness of themselves from their loins. Contrary to what you might think, I’m pretty happy, shitty job notwithstanding. I do not spend every waking moment planning my maternity leave or moisturising my flat stomach to cope with the impending stretch marks. I don’t take an overdose of folic acid and I enjoy my two door car which I drive at a moment’s notice to wherever I like without wrestling a crying, vomiting child into a car seat.
So please, just call me The Vegemite Wife, or my real name if you know it. I’m still that person despite – or because – I have chosen to not anything whatsoever with my reproductive organs. Yet.